Are You Spiritually Ambidextrous?
Updated: Oct 4
By QueenB.Divine
Notice this. Are you ambidextrous? Better yet, are you spiritually ambidextrous? And yes, before we go any further, say spiritually ambidextrous five times fast. I dare you.
I was sitting with my morning coffee thinking, like I normally do. Technically, my love makes the coffee, so I can't even take full credit for that part. I've also started putting a little honey in it instead of sugar—not half the damn honey jar, just a little—and I'm actually proud of myself for slowly cutting back on sugar. Funny how these tiny changes become something you notice about yourself. And lately I've noticed something else: I actually enjoy sitting with me. That's taken some living to get to. There was a time when sitting alone with my thoughts wasn't exactly a luxury vacation. Now I can sit there with my coffee and think, Okay girl, what weird thing are we going to figure out today?
Today it was the word ambidextrous. It means being able to use both your right and left hands with similar skill. You might write with one hand and throw a ball with the other. You aren't completely dependent on one side. And that got me thinking: What if we learned to become spiritually ambidextrous? What if we became capable of functioning in both the light and the dark? Because let's face it, most of us are freaking magnificent when everything is going our way.
Give us sunshine, compliments, money in the bank, somebody telling us our hair looks amazing, a nice dinner, balloons popping, cake being cut and everybody dancing—and suddenly we're spiritual gurus. Life is beautiful! I'm so blessed! Everything happens for a reason! Okay. Wonderful. But what happens Tuesday morning when your boss pisses you off, somebody criticizes you, your plans fall apart and life walks into the room wearing steel-toed boots?
Who are you then?
That's the side of spirituality I don't think we talk about enough. Thriving in the light is relatively easy. The light gives you something back. It feels good. Darkness asks you to find something inside yourself when the outside world isn't handing you anything.
I learned this lesson early, although I didn't know that's what I was learning at the time. I grew up in Scarborough, Ontario, and I remember having a teacher named Mr. Hiley. He was one of those tough teachers. Tall, slender, grey hair—the kind of teacher where you knew the room belonged to him. One day we had a drawing assignment. I didn't even know I could draw particularly well, but apparently I could because I recreated the picture I was looking at almost exactly to scale. I was proud of myself. Really proud. Then I forgot the drawing at home and had to do it again. I recreated it again, and it came out really well a second time. Now little me was excited because this proved something: Hey, I didn't get lucky the first time. I can actually do this.
So naturally, I wanted my teacher to see it. Unfortunately, he was busy. I kept asking. And asking. And probably asking some more because apparently patience hadn't downloaded into my childhood operating system yet. Eventually he stood up and basically said, “All right, it's good. What more do you want? Sit down.”
Ouch.
As a child, I didn't have the emotional vocabulary to say, Interesting. My teacher appears overstimulated and his response isn't necessarily an accurate reflection of my artistic ability. Hell no. 😂 I was crushed. I shut down. I probably walked away weeping somewhere inside because the approval I was expecting came back wrapped in irritation.
But that's the point.
I could function in the compliment. I couldn't function in the discomfort.
Now take that little childhood experience and drag it into adulthood with us because we still do the same damn thing. Somebody compliments our outfit and we're floating through the building like Beyoncé just personally approved our wardrobe. Somebody says, “That shirt isn't really doing much for you,” and suddenly we're mentally writing their obituary.
Someone tells you that you smell wonderful? Fantastic. Someone quietly suggests you might need a little more deodorant? Now we're ready to end a friendship.
I'm exaggerating, but you get what I mean. Sometimes people say things badly. Sometimes people are deliberately cruel. Sometimes criticism is completely useless. But sometimes somebody says something uncomfortable that actually contains information we could use. If every uncomfortable word immediately shuts us down, we lose our ability to decide what's useful and what's garbage.
That's where spiritual ambidexterity comes in.
I don't want compliments controlling me any more than I want criticism controlling me. If somebody tells me I look amazing today, I can say, “Thank you.” I don't have to build a house inside that compliment and live there. Because if I require somebody else's praise to feel good, what happens when they stop giving it?
That's something worth paying attention to. If another person learns that praise makes you glow and criticism makes you collapse, they may eventually learn which emotional buttons to push. Whether it's intentional manipulation or simply an unhealthy dynamic, your emotional centre has now moved outside of you.
I don't want that.
I want my centre back.
That's what balance means to me. Maybe that's my Libra talking, because Lord knows Libra loves a scale. But balance doesn't mean nothing bothers you. It doesn't mean becoming emotionally numb, pretending everything is wonderful or smiling while somebody treats you like crap. It means learning that neither applause nor criticism gets complete ownership of your emotional steering wheel.
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Some days are light-hand days. Everything flows. Enjoy those damn days. Rest. Laugh. Receive the compliment. Eat the cake.
Then there are dark-hand days.
Those are the days when the work is tedious. Your plans aren't working. Somebody doesn't like you. Your content flops. You get rejected. You're tired. Your confidence is somewhere under the couch with the missing remote. Those are the days when you have to reach for the other hand.
That's the hand that says, Okay. This sucks. What can I still do?
Maybe you cry. Cry.
Maybe you're angry. Be angry.
Maybe you need to go into your private space and lose your mind for fifteen minutes. Go ahead. Just don't unpack your suitcase and move permanently into the emotion.
Feel it. Understand it. Decide what it has to teach you. Then come back to yourself.
That's what I've had to learn because life has thrown enough crap at me that eventually I had two choices: let every difficult moment decide who I was, or learn how to remain myself when the weather changed.
And the weather will change.
That's life.
Sunshine doesn't prove you're blessed any more than rain proves you're cursed. Sometimes it's simply raining.
Grab an umbrella.
What concerns me today is how much negativity we're constantly exposed to. Turn on the news. Open social media. Scroll for five minutes and apparently civilization is ending before lunch. Bad news grabs attention, so bad news gets pushed in front of us. If you haven't developed the emotional ability to function when things feel dark, the world can become freaking exhausting.
You don't have to absorb everything.
Pick your battles.
Save your strength for the things that deserve your strength. Listen to your gut. Question what you're hearing. Don't allow every comment, headline, insult, opinion or sideways look to drag your nervous system behind it like a shopping cart with a broken wheel.
And compliments? Enjoy them—but don't become dependent on those either.
A compliment is wonderful.
Criticism can sometimes contain information.
Neither one gets to define you.
The goal isn't to become somebody who doesn't feel. I don't want that. Feeling deeply is part of being human. The goal is learning how to feel without allowing every feeling to become the CEO of your life.
That's spiritual ambidexterity to me.
Learn to push through some of the hard days, and allow yourself to relax into the easy ones.
Use both hands.
Learn from the light.
Learn from the dark.
Know how to celebrate yourself when somebody claps for you, and know how to stand beside yourself when nobody does.
Because if your self-worth only survives in sunshine, somebody else will always have the power to turn off the light.
But when you know yourself—when you trust yourself, love yourself, challenge yourself and learn how to come home to yourself—you become much harder to knock completely off balance.
You become spiritually ambidextrous.
And yes, say that five times fast again.
I'm QueenB.Divine, sharing another lesson from this strange, beautiful, upside-down human journey. Tell me in the comments: Which side is easier for you—the light or the dark? And what happens to you when life switches hands?
Take care of you. Protect your peace. Feel what you need to feel, but don't hand somebody else permanent control over your emotions.
Learn to live with both hands.
Self-love and self-care will get you there.
— QueenB.Divine don't forget to follow on Youtube
Notice This… Keep Going
If you're learning to hold more than one truth while finding your own spiritual footing, continue with Spiritually Ambidextrous.
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